


The Debate

by Frejennix, Lalijinx



Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Arguing, Gen, Insults, Metaphysical Mumbo-Jumbo, Panic Attacks, References to Lackluster Parenting Techniques, References to Touch Starvation, Theatre, zalgo text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25512742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frejennix/pseuds/Frejennix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalijinx/pseuds/Lalijinx
Summary: Thomas is indecisive. (Big surprise, right?)The core sides weigh in. (Plus Logic.)It doesn't go the way anyone anticipated. (At all.)(Episode 6, Arc 1)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders (mentioned), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Joan Stokes & Thomas Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794676
Comments: 53
Kudos: 157





	1. The Issue on the Table

“You’re directing a show?” Thomas clarified, looking over the rainbow-colored paper in his hands. 

“Assistant directing, technically.” Joan said, shrugging as they plugged the GameCube controllers into Thomas's Wii. “The local community theatre wanted to do something different this year, and the director liked my idea to do a reimagining of a classic show. A few ideas bounced around but the director is a big Steven Sondhiem fan, and all I had to say was ‘Company’ and ‘make it gay’ in the same sentence and they were sold.”

“Wow.” Thomas said, using a Disney magnet to stick the flyer to his fridge, grabbing the soda he had come into the kitchen for and a couple of cups from the cabinet. “That’s really exciting, Joan. I can't wait to see it!” he said, bringing his bounty back to the couch and settling in, grabbing a game controller and selecting Yoshi.

“Actually…” Joan said, selecting Fox and starting the match. “I was gonna ask you if you wanted to audition for it.”

“Me? Audition?” Thomas said, fumbling his controller and accidentally walking Yoshi off of the icy summit on the screen.

“Yeah, dude.” Joan said, having Fox hop around under Yoshi's revival platform. “I think you’d be really good, and that you would enjoy it. What do you say? Wanna audition?”

“I…” 

It wasn't like Thomas wasn’t out. He wasn’t ashamed of his identity, far from it. He just…

It was one thing to know who you were, to have the people in your life who loved you know, and another thing entirely to get up onstage and announce it to anyone who cared to look. And to compound it with the fact that Thomas hadn’t ever really done professional theatre before…

It left his gut churning in a way he didn't know how to quantify.

“Let me think about it?” he said to Joan, who was still expecting an answer that Thomas didn't have at the moment.

“Yeah it's cool, no pressure.” Joan said, making Fox jump all over Yoshi before Yoshi finally headbutted Fox off the stage.

* * *

“Hey, Joan!” Thomas said into his phone two weeks later, juggling his bags of groceries as he tried to open his front door, keeping his phone against his ear with just his shoulder.

“Hey, dude. You sound out of breath?”

“Yeah, I'm just getting in now. Went to the grocery store. Gonna try a stir fry tonight.”

“Wow, you’re gonna actually use your stove? Like...turn it on and everything?”

“You think you’re so funny, don't you?”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

“Good.” Thomas smiled, unpacking the chicken, red peppers and snap peas into his fridge. “What’s up?”

“So yeah, I was just wondering if you had made a decision to audition or not?”

Thomas rubbed at his chest, wondering when the phantom pain hiding under his ribs had started aching again. It had been doing that a lot more in the past couple of weeks. 

Like...every time he had glanced at the flyer he had stuck to his fridge.

“Oh, right. The audition.” Thomas said, abandoning the rest of his groceries to sit on his couch. His legs felt weird. 

“I was just thinking that we could carpool to the audition, maybe get something to eat after?”

Thomas was abruptly aware of the fact that his knee was bouncing up and down, a frantic blur of movement out of the corner of his eyes. He pressed down on it with his free hand, stilling it for a moment, but that did nothing to stop the nervous energy thrumming under his skin.

“I, uh...I haven't decided if I want to. Yet.”

“Oh...that’s okay. Is everything alright with you? You sound kind of weird.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I’m not trying to pressure you into doing it, you know that, right?”

“No, no you’re not.” Thomas said automatically, barely conscious of the words he was saying. “I’m sorry Joan, can I call you later? I have...to take care of something.”

“Alright, man. Call or text whenever, I’m here for you-”

Thomas hung up on them, his hands shaking so hard it took several tries to disconnect the call, and he could hear Joan's voice, saying nice things, Thomas was sure, but he just couldn't deal with this right now.

Someone took the phone from him, leaving Thomas the ability to press his hands to his eyes in a vain attempt to keep the tears inside.

“J-Janus-” Thomas stuttered, because who else could it be? Who else would know just when Thomas was falling apart?

“It’s okay, Thomas.” Janus said, sliding onto the couch next to him. “It’s okay, just listen to my voice, concentrate on that. That’s all you have to think about right now. Can you take a deep breath for me?”

“C-can’t.”

His pulse was pounding in his head, a drumbeat of doom screaming that he was dying, he was dying and he couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. 

“Yes, you can. I know you can.” Janus said, his voice low, rumbling deep in his chest, soft but still somehow louder than his heart. His voice reminded Thomas nonsensically of a distant thunderstorm, warm and powerful. “Come on, breathe in for me, nice and deep.” 

It took him a couple of tries to get his lungs to properly inflate, interrupted by hitching gasps and stifled sobs, but he finally managed it. “That’s good, Thomas, now hold it.” 

He did his best to listen, even going as far as to hold his hand over his mouth and nose, feeling hot tears leak out of the corners of his eyes as his shoulders jumped and twitched with the need to breathe. “Okay, now breathe out, slow and steady as you can.” Janus said, his arm tightening around Thomas's shoulder, pulling him into an embrace both warm and safe, his other hand wrapping around Thomas's wrist and pulling his hand away from his mouth. “Good, you’re doing so good. Breathe in again.”

Thomas obeyed, his breathing following the pattern that Janus set, filling his lungs with the scent of encroaching spring with each inhale. Eventually, as the panic receded, he could predict it, a simple count of four, seven, eight, releasing the crushing pressure around his ribs with every repetition.

“It’s okay, Thomas. You’re safe here, at home. I’ve got you.” Janus murmured, letting Thomas clutch at him, rocking slightly. He started to hum, something soft and unobtrusive, and it wasn't a song that Thomas could identify but at the same time it felt familiar. Or maybe it was just the feeling welling up inside of him that was familiar, as the sound drowned out the ringing in his ears.

The feeling of being safe, and cared for, and protected.

Thomas couldn't keep the tears at bay anymore, but he managed to keep his sobs mostly silent, crying into the sunshine yellow knit of Janus's sweater as Janus held him.

Time lost meaning for a while, as the world narrowed down to the storm of emotions inside Thomas, all clamouring to get out at the same time, and the rock of stability that was Janus, keeping him together and letting him cry, until the tears stopped and Thomas was able to breathe again.

“There we go.” Janus said, rubbing Thomas's back in steady circles. “That wasn't so hard, was it?”

“What...happened?” Thomas said, his voice hoarse from crying, unwilling to leave the circle of Janus's arms just yet.

“Panic attack.” Janus said simply, his hand running through Thomas's hair in a steady predictable pattern. “You know that, you’ve had them before.”

“Not for ages.” Thomas said. Panic attacks had been a semi-common occurrence during high school, but they had petered off after a while, especially once Thomas had started going to therapy. “I thought…”

“What?”

“I thought I had gotten better.” he mumbled. “That I had outgrown them.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Thomas.” Janus said. He sighed, his breath making Thomas's hair move from the force of it. “If anyone is to blame for your panic attack, it's me.”

“What?” Thomas said, shocked. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry, Thomas. I thought...I thought that I was helping you, by not pressuring you to make a decision about this. I even asked your other sides to leave you alone about it, thinking that you just needed some time…” he sighed again, scratching his nails lightly against Thomas's scalp as he spoke. “But I can see now that leaving you alone was not what you needed, and I’m sorry for not realizing that sooner.”

“It's...it's okay.” Thomas said quietly, relaxing even more against Janus, his panic attack leaving him drained and lethargic. “I don't think I knew just how much this has been bothering me either.”

“But I think your panic attack proves that we can't ignore this issue anymore. We need to decide.”

“But I don't know what I want-”

“Hey.” Janus interrupted, a hint of a smile coloring his voice. “I said _we_ , didn't I? I’m not going to leave you to do this alone.”

“...Thanks Janus.”

“Why don't you take a nap, let me brainstorm some ideas for you?” Janus said, which sounded like the most excellent idea Thomas had ever heard.

“Can you stay here?” Thomas asked. “You’re very comfy for a metaphysical manifestation of a personality facet.”

Janus chuckled. “It is one hundred percent because of the sweater,” he whispered conspiratorially which made Thomas giggle, “And of course I’ll stay.” 

Thomas smiled, closing his tired eyes and falling asleep in minutes, Janus's hand still carding through his hair as he drifted off.

* * *

“I might have an idea for a solution, Thomas.” Janus said when Thomas awoke several hours later.

“Okay. Am I going to like this solution?” Thomas asked, stretching his stiff muscles as he sat up. 

“Hear me out. What if we hold a debate?” Janus said, and Thomas could swear that Janus looked...excited at the prospect. “I’ve been listening to your subconscious for the past two weeks. I know the questions you’ve been asking yourself in the back of your mind whenever you think about the audition.”

“Okay, but just knowing the questions I want to ask isn’t going to help me decide-”

“I wasn't finished. I'll present the questions to Logic and Instinct. You won’t get a better pro and con discussion than between those two. And you’ll be able to make your decision at the end, with all the facts and the pros and cons laid out in front of you.”

“Will they go for this?” Thomas asked, skeptical.

“I’d asked them to let you come to a decision on your own, but they are more than ready to help you. That’s what we're here for, remember?”

“Are they going to…” Thomas trailed off, wondering how best to articulate his concern that letting Logic and Instinct do anything even remotely close to fighting was grounds for disaster.

“Behave?” Janus said dryly. Thomas nodded. “I will make sure they understand the rules, and that they don't upset you.” Janus was steady as he looked Thomas in the eyes. “Is this something you would like to try?”

“Yeah. I think so.” Thomas said, glad he had Janus’s strength to support him. He was tired of the anxiety-ridden indecision, and he believed Janus when he said that this could be a solution.

“Good.” Janus smiled. “You should summon Instinct and Logic, and we can tell them the plan.” 

Thomas smiled back at him, more pleased than he expected about the prospect. Janus hadn’t even flinched at the idea of summoning Logic. “Instinct? Logic?” He called, picturing his sides in his mind.

Logic rose up from the floor at the same moment that Instinct popped into existence. They both looked inquisitively at Thomas for a moment before catching sight of each other. Instinct outright scowled, while Logic’s blue eyes narrowed. Janus started talking before either of them could say anything, drawing both of their attention.

“I thought it might be a good idea for you two to talk about your issues with Thomas-” Janus began, interrupted by Logic and Instinct making identical huffs of indignation.

“There is no issue to talk about, Instinct simply refuses to see sense.” Logic said, adjusting his glasses. “There is hardly the need for such melodrama.”

“ _I’m_ refusing to see sense? Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“Yes I did, this morning. I do not see how that is relevant.”

“You are the one who started making Thomas remember stupid shit every time he started getting excited about trying out!”

“And you’re the one who gave him random impulses and cravings whenever he sat down to have a thorough look at his availability and motivation.” Logic replied coolly. “I am not above fighting dirty if my opponent insists on playing in the figurative mud.”

“And _that_ is the exact kind of thing Thomas and I would like to avoid going forward.” Janus said. “Your current methods are causing Thomas a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Isn't that right, Thomas?”

“Yes…?”

“If the two of you want to argue your sides to the issue, then you should do it _properly_.” Janus said, either not aware of Thomas's hesitance or, more likely, just ignoring it.

“What are you suggesting?” Logic asked warily.

“A debate.” And Thomas had been right, Janus was definitely excited, although he was very subtle about it. “Thomas and I have agreed that it is the best way for the two of you to _civilly_ ,” he emphasized the word heavily, looking meaningfully at both sides, “convince Thomas of your reasoning.”

“But that’s not-”

“Not what?” Janus interrupted, one eyebrow rising as he looked pointedly at Instinct. “Fair? It seems more than fair to us. You two get to talk to Thomas about your concerns; you won’t send Thomas into another panic attack, so what exactly is the problem?”

“Instinct is merely pushing back because he will not be able to rely on brute force to get his way with this format.” Logic said snidely, the barest sense of a smirk playing around his lips when Instinct whirled on him.

“Fuck you!” 

“Ah, I see we have moved from petty insults into cursing, the last defense of the ignorant.” Logic replied, meeting Instinct’s glare with his own unimpressed gaze. “Unsurprising, coming from you.”

“You little _shit_ -'' Instinct started to snarl, but was interrupted by Janus's firm voice.

“If you are confident that your arguments are sound, then you should have no trouble following this particular format, right?”

“Not at all.” Logic said, his voice self-assured. 

“Instinct?” 

“Fine.” Instinct grumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Let's do this.”

“Worried that you are ill equipped for this type of battle, Instinct?”

“No, I’m not. You know why?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Because I'm right. I know I'm right, and I'll fight you any way you want, because it won’t change the fact that I. Am. Right.”

“We shall see.” Logic said.

“We’ll have the debate tomorrow. You’ll have until then to prepare your arguments.”

“We don't get to know the questions first?” Instinct said, a note of dismay in his voice.

“No. You should be prepared for anything Thomas and I can throw at you.” Janus said with a smile. “I’m confident that you both can manage that.”

Instinct’s eyes flashed, and he nodded. “You got it, Janus.”

“One more thing.” Janus paused to look both Instinct and Logic with an air of gravity. “Whatever decision Thomas makes after this is going to be final. We all have to accept that going in. He is the boss. We will not have a repeat of your behavior over the past week. Understood?” Janus raised his eyebrow, waiting for their agreement.

Logic inclined his head, his eyes spinning and flashing, and Instinct gave a thumbs up. “Obviously Janus, we know Thomas is the boss.” 

“I don’t doubt that, but this issue has caused enough tension. We are not going to drag this out any more.” 

“I will have no problems adhering to that stipulation.” Logic said, straightening his tie. “After all, once you all see sense, I see no need to continue extrapolating on the situation.”

Instinct scoffed. “You’re awfully confident for someone who’s so entirely _wrong._ ”

Logic opened his mouth, presumably to continue sniping at Instinct, but Janus cut him off. “Save it for the debate. You’ll both have plenty of opportunity to expand on your points.” Janus waved his hand, almost shooing them off. “Now, go start preparing. We’ll call you into the mind palace tomorrow for the debate.”

“The what?” Thomas said, as Instinct and Logic left, disappearing in a blink and sinking into the floor respectively. “Where will we be calling them?”

“Well, if we’re going to do this, we may as well go all out.” Janus said vaguely, grinning.

“Can you, like, not be vaguely cryptic for a minute?” Thomas asked dryly, trying to keep an unimpressed expression on his face and failing when Janus laughed. “What’s a mind palace?” 

“The mind palace is sort of like...a very advanced daydream.” Janus gestured broadly. “For us, it is a metaphysical space in your mind that can be manipulated and transformed into different settings. It also serves as a good neutral ground for all of us.” Janus crossed his arms, pleased. “You’ll see tomorrow, it's going to be great.”

Thomas hummed under his breath, digesting the new information about the mind palace, before something else occurred to him. Janus had seemed significantly... warmer towards Logic than he ever had been before. In fact, there hadn’t been a single negative reaction from Janus the whole time Logic had been present - he hadn’t even hesitated when it came to summoning them both. 

“I gotta say, I'm surprised that you’re so eager to give Logic a voice.” Thomas said, attempting to keep his voice casual and light. “You haven't really before.”

Janus hesitated, contemplative. “...He and I have come to a tentative understanding. I know that no matter what he thinks of the rest of us, what he thinks of _me_ , he is a consummate professional.” He looked back at Thomas. “He’s here to help you, Thomas. We all are.” 

Janus shrugged, continuing. “And Logic has been unusually adamant about this particular issue. I think he has important things to say.”

“And you’re gonna let him say them?” Thomas asked, crossing his arms. “You’re not going to do that silencing thing on him if he starts saying something you don't like?”

“I promise I will not use that ability on Logic tomorrow, Thomas.” Janus said, and he looked open and sincere and in that moment, Thomas couldn’t do anything but believe him. “I better go, I have things I need to prepare as well. Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah.” Thomas said, relaxing with the weight of Janus’s promise. “Thanks for coming earlier.”

“You say that like there was ever a chance that I wouldn’t come.” Janus smiled that soft sunny smile that was quickly becoming one of Thomas’s favorite expressions. “I would never let you suffer like that alone.” 

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and sunny, and Thomas found himself going through his morning routine with a spring in his step.

It was hard to say what was the thing he was most happy about. On the one hand, he was finally going to figure out what he should do about the audition. The issue had been hounding him relentlessly, and he was eager to not have it hanging over his head every time he tried to talk or text with his best friend.

On the other hand…

On the other hand, he was really proud of Janus. The issue of his panic attack aside, Janus seemed really eager to have this debate, and Thomas was thrilled that his self preservation was allowing Logic to participate.

Hopefully, with both Janus and Remus on his side, Thomas could actually make progress in getting all of his core sides to accept Logic.

And maybe…

Maybe Logic would feel comfortable enough to tell Thomas his name.

A soft ping interrupted his musings, and he was still smiling when Janus appeared. 

“Ready, Thomas?” Janus said.

“I guess so.” Thomas said brightly. “What do I have to do?”

“You might want to get comfortable, it will be easier to concentrate.” Janus said, leading Thomas to the armchair. “Close your eyes.”

“This is familiar.” Thomas joked as he obeyed. 

“It’s not going to be that much different from summoning us.” Janus said, putting his hand on Thomas's arm, a grounding point of contact in the dark. “But instead of calling one of us, you’re going to call a room. A room where you can work through your issues, regain balance, solve your problems. Call on those feelings, those desires, and the mind palace will answer.”

Thomas took a deep breath, picturing such a place in his mind. He felt a little whoosh, less of a stomach swooping fall, and more the feeling of walking into a well air conditioned room. 

“Welcome to the mind palace, Thomas.” Janus said beside him, and Thomas opened his eyes.

“What…”

Instead of his living room, with its plain white walls and cream colored carpet, Thomas was suddenly standing in a grand auditorium, with a large stage framed by black curtains. Two podiums stood in a pair of spotlights on the stage, and there was a slightly smaller platform set up with a table and two chairs.

Along the walls, however, was the strangest detail as every inch of available wallspace was covered with posters, all showing stylized cartoon versions of what could only be Instinct and Logic, going head to head with twin expressions of determination. 

LOGIC VS INSTINCT: DEBATE TO THE DEATH! 

The Secretary of Logical Defense will take on the Supreme Punk Overlord of All Things Fighty, over the issue of Whether Thomas Will Actually Have an Ongoing Commitment for the Next Four to Six Months?

Sponsored by the National Essential Reasoning Department (N.E.R.D.) and the Public Humiliation Foundation

“Was this all just here, in my head?” Thomas asked, turning in place and marveling at everything. “It seems very specific and...detailed.”

“The space was always here, it changes shape based on what you want it to function as. As for the rest of it…” Janus smiled sheepishly. “I may have let Remus in here last night to spice it up a bit. He was feeling a little left out, but give him the chance to redecorate and he’s happy as a clam.” 

“What’s Remus going to do while we do this? Is he coming to watch?”

“He decided to undertake an extended scenario in the Imagination while we handled this.” Janus said, taking the seat at the moderator’s table, gesturing for Thomas to do the same.

“Did _he_ decide that?” Thomas asked, trying not to sound accusatory. Janus had been so much better since they had talked, he shouldn't be so suspicious, but…

He couldn't help it.

“Yes. He was worried he’d get bored and start manipulating the space, getting us off track, and he’s about as tired of Logic and Instinct’s bickering as we are.” Janus shot him a slightly rueful smile. “He’ll enjoy himself much more in the Imagination, Thomas.” Janus’s voice was soft, before he straightened, rubbing his hands together. “Now, Thomas. Let’s summon the contestants for this game of ours, shall we?”

Thomas grinned at Janus’s enthusiasm. He closed his eyes, and pictured Logic and Instinct. There was a weird sensation in his chest, a feeling of resistance that he hadn’t felt before, and Thomas furrowed his brow. He tugged harder at the connection, purposely recalling the cool invigorating mint of Logic and the warm swooping rush of Instinct. 

Thomas opened his eyes as Instinct and Logic appeared abruptly on the stage, facing away from each other.

“-he’s got another thing coming!” Instinct said passionately.

“-I am fine.” Logic said at the same time, his voice overlapping with Instinct’s. They both startled, looking around the space with expressions so confused it was almost comical. 

“Guys?” Thomas said, bewildered. Both sides looked at Thomas instantly, their heads turning in unison.

“Oh,” they said, simultaneous again. 

“Interesting.” Janus said, making Thomas jump. “That hasn't happened before.”

“Ha, it wasn't just me then.” Instinct said under his breath.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” 

“Nothing. Sorry, that...that was weird.” Instinct said, waving a hand. “I was just...I was talking to Remus, and then…” He gestured to the space around him. “Here I am.”

“I experienced something similar.” Logic added. “It appears that you have discovered a new method of manifesting us, although it could be a function of you summoning us within the confines of your own mind rather than calling us into the real world…” Logic manifested a black notebook, claiming a podium and using it to lean against, scribbling into the book quickly.

“You definitely summoned me different today.” Instinct said, looking vaguely unnerved. “It was...less a phone call and more like...tugging on a leash. Ish.”

“Ish? What do you mean, _ish_? Did I hurt you?!” Thomas asked, appalled.

“Nah, ya didn't, don't worry. It was just like...like there wasn't a warning. Or an option. One minute I was in the mindscape, the next I was here, finishing my sentence.” Instinct shrugged, rubbing his arms. “It was really weird.”

“So you have said. I had not realized your grasp of the English language was so limited, Instinct. Perhaps I am not the only one who requires vocabulary cards.” Logic said, not looking up from his notebook. Instinct bristled.

“I don't have to cram an entire thesaurus into my sentences to convince people I'm smart.” He snapped. 

Logic briefly glanced up at him before returning to his notes. “I do not have to _convince_ people that I am smarter than you, that much is made obvious every time you open your mouth.”

“BOYS!” Janus said, cutting off Instinct’s incensed reply. “What did we say about being civil?”

“Maybe we should call this off. They're already kind of antagonistic…” Thomas said to Janus in an undertone. His confidence was faltering watching Instinct and Logic glare at each other from across the stage.

“Don't worry, Thomas, they're grown men. They know where the line is.” Janus whispered back. “And they need to do this as much as you need to hear it. Trust me, I’ll stop this before it gets out of hand.”

He turned back to the stage before Thomas could point out that he already thought this _was_ getting out of hand. 

“Let’s begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual debate will take place in one week. 
> 
> Bring your tissues.


	2. The Final Verdict

“Instinct, the first question is to you.” Janus said, projecting his voice so it rang around the room, conjuring a small stack of gold edged cards into his hands.

“That is _blatant_ nepotism-” Logic began, while Instinct looked a little bit like a deer caught in a set of oncoming headlights.

“Is there enough time to prepare for the audition?” Janus asked, ignoring Logic’s muttering.

“Plenty of time. You’ve got...what, a whole week?” Instinct said, relaxing a bit and even smiling at Thomas. “You can totally be ready by next Sunday.”

“Do you even know what is required of an audition?” Logic asked.

“Do _you_?” Instinct retorted immediately.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do, because I prepared for this.” Logic flipped his notebook open to a bookmarked page, scanning it intently. “Thomas needs to prepare sixteen bars of an audition song, a resume, ideally a headshot-”

“We can get most of that ready. I’m sure Joan will absolutely help you with any of that. And…”

“What, Instinct?” Thomas asked.

“I actually had an idea for the song.” Instinct mumbled, hunching slightly. He made a short aborted hand gesture in the air, and music started playing.

“Hey, I know this song.” Thomas said, perking up. “This is from Newsies, isn't it?”

“Yeah. You’ve sung it in the shower enough for me to know that you can sing it and sound good doing it.” Instinct grinned shyly, warming up to the idea with Thomas’s encouragement. Thomas thought it was probably his favorite smile yet from Instinct. “And you already know the lyrics. A couple of practice runs and you should be fine.” 

“Alright, moving on.”

“Wait, do I not get a rebuttal?” Logic nearly squawked.

“Was your rebuttal not going to be that Thomas needed a list of things he needed to accomplish before he was ready?”

“That...was part of it, yes-”

“Do you not have that very list in that little notebook of yours?” Janus prodded, pointed at the notebook in question. Logic’s hand twitched, an aborted move to push the black bound book out of sight.

“Yes.”

“Do you have another reason why Thomas cannot prepare the things you mentioned, other than time and a need to ask others for help?”

Logic grimaced, looking away.

“Then let's move on.” Janus said, throwing the question card over his shoulder, the object vanishing before it hit the floor. “Logic, the next question is for you.” 

Logic looked back, determination settling over his features. “I am ready.”

“What if the other cast members don’t accept Thomas?” Janus said. Thomas flushed red. 

“That is _not_ the question, lemme see that-” Thomas said, reaching for the card in Janus’s hands. Janus easily held it out of his reach, even going so far as to push Thomas’s chair away with his foot.

“Well, if you want to be technical about it, the subconscious question was actually, ‘What if the other kids don’t like me?’,” Janus said, a smirk playing around his mouth, “But I paraphrased.”

“I thought we were going to take this seriously.” Logic said, petulant. “Are the other questions as asinine as this?” 

“Answer the question, Logic.” Janus said, almost singsong. Logic sighed heavily.

“As far as my understanding goes, you are a very likable individual, Thomas. Though you have displayed signs of social anxiety in the past when thrust into a situation without preparation or support, you will have Joan with you at this audition, so you should be fine.”

“Anything to add, Instinct?”

“This question is stupid.” Instinct called out, his hands cupped around his mouth like a megaphone. “You’re great and you know it, stop being dumb.”

Thomas hid his burning face in his hands. “Can we go to the next question please?” He begged piteously. Janus obliged him with an indulgent grin, turning back to his cards.

“Instinct, does Thomas have a good chance of getting a part?” 

“Joan wouldn't have asked you to try out if you didn't have a chance, Thomas. They wouldn't waste your time like that. You have a good singing voice, everybody says so, and you said you wanted to try new things. You really liked doing theatre before, right?”

“Yeah, I did, but that was a long time ago…”

It wasn't like he hadn't wanted to do it more. But between...everything else going on in high school he had just never had the time or the energy to spend. The last time he had acted was in middle school and though he had loved it, there was...always something in the way. Something missing.

“Logic, your response.” Janus said, cutting through Thomas's introspection.

“Joan is only the assistant director, they do not have final say over the casting choices. Therefore, any guarantees they make about Thomas getting a part are null and void. Thomas is right, he has not participated in any theatrical productions since middle school, and it is my understanding that community theatre, while less stringent than professional standards, still favors those with more acting experience than Thomas has at the moment.” 

“Logic, next question is to you.” Janus said, banishing the card with a much more understated flourish. “Can Thomas’s schedule handle the commitment that a show demands?”

“Not at the moment-”

“You are such a fucking liar!” Instinct hissed, and even from where Thomas was sitting, he could see the muscles in Logic’s jaw clench hard. “Thomas’s schedule can absolutely be changed to accommodate the show! Rehearsals are on Mondays and Fridays, leaving Thomas plenty of time to take care of other commitments on other days. When we get closer to the show, demands will pick up, but we have _months_ to prepare for that!”

“Excuse me, the question was directed at _me_ , Instinct.” Logic said scathingly. “As I was saying before I was _rudely_ interrupted, at the moment, the schedule cannot currently accommodate the commitment this show demands. However, I believe that changes can be made, in the unlikely event they are needed.”

“Unlikely?”

“Winning this audition-” Logic paused, tilting his head. “...is that how that should be phrased?”

“Um…” Thomas mulled the sentence over in his mind, grimacing when it stuck out like an incorrect note in a song. “I think it’s actually getting the part?” He said at last, and that phrase sounded much better.

“Apologies. Getting the part, any part in this particular production is mathematically unlikely. As I have stated in my previous answer, there are a number of factors that are working against Thomas, his lack of experience being paramount among them. Spending time rearranging the schedule for the next four months on a possibility, and an unlikely one at that, is an extremely unproductive use of his mental energy.”

“You don't think that Thomas is talented enough to make up for his lack of experience?”

“I did not say that, and that was not the question that was asked.”

“Answer this question then.”

“You are not the moderator, you cannot ask questions of me.”

“This isn't a real fucking debate, so just answer the fucking question!”

“Because you are suddenly an expert in how real debates work?”

“I am getting real tired of you constantly insinuating that I’m stupid, Logic.”

“Would you like me to start saying it outright to give you a reprieve?”

“HEY!” Janus shouted, making Thomas nearly jump out of his skin, his voice echoing grotesquely around the large mostly empty room. “Logic, that was out of line.”

“Of course, you take his side.” Logic commented, his voice practically dripping acid. “This format only works if the moderator is able to remain impartial, Self-Preservation.”

“Insulting each other does nothing to convey your arguments, it just makes you look like squabbling children.” Janus said, his voice both disappointed and admonishing. Both Instinct and Logic looked uncomfortable, Instinct even wincing at Janus’s tone. “Instinct, Logic _is_ correct, you cannot demand that he answer a question not posed by Thomas.”

“He can't just say shit like that and expect that I’ll just let it slide!” Instinct snarled. He looked at Thomas, and his breath caught at the look on Instinct’s face, sincere in a way that was almost painful to witness. “Thomas, you are really talented, and you could be great if you could just have the opportunity to shine. Everyone starts somewhere. Why can't this be your start?”

Thomas felt his face heat up at the sheer confidence with which Instinct spoke of his talent, something even warmer rising in his chest at the thought of this being the thing that he was missing...

“Instinct, the next question is yours. Is Thomas emotionally equipped for this show?”

“I...what?” Instinct said, his eyes wide.

“A theatrical production not only requires a time commitment, but an emotional commitment as well. With the LGBTQ nature of this particular production, is Thomas equipped to play such a role on stage in front of people, should he get it?”

“I...yes. Yes he is.” Instinct said at last, although he still looked like the rug had been pulled out from under him.

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“He would not, because once again, he has no way to guarantee that to Thomas.” Logic interjected before Instinct could speak, looking faintly smug.

“Yes I can! I’ll be there with him, making sure he can do this!” Instinct said, almost defensively. “I would never abandon him-”

“By using your abilities on him until you drain their potency, potentially leaving him vulnerable during the times when he actually requires your assistance?” Logic said, in a very patronizing manner. “I did not realize you would be so cavalier with Thomas in pursuit of being right, Instinct.” 

The words seem to hit Instinct like a body blow. “I never said that I would use my powers. I don't need to. Thomas is more than capable of being brave without me boosting him. He can absolutely handle a show, even this show.” Instinct’s voice was getting more vehement with every word, his hands clenching around the sides of his podium. “But _I_ will still be there making sure of it, because _I_ would never abandon Thomas-”

“Does not trying out for this show put pressure on his and Joan's relationship?”

The question echoed around the room, and all eyes turned to Janus, who looked unconcerned.

“What.” Logic said.

“Will _not_ auditioning for this show at all, when Joan specifically asked Thomas to try out, put undue pressure on Thomas and Joan’s friendship?” Janus elaborated, and Thomas's mouth went dry. 

He hadn't...he hadn't ever said that out loud or consciously thought it, but...that was what had been keeping him from deciding to just wash his hands of the whole thing. 

Thomas had never really understood what Janus had meant when he said he was listening to Thomas's subconscious. He got it now, and with a hasty swallow, he realized he would never be able to forget that. 

“Your response, Logic.”

“That is not a fair question.” Logic said curtly, but Thomas could see that he looked discomfited.

“Because you have no argument against it, Optimus _Lame_?”

“Because it is an irrelevant argument.” Logic ignored the nickname, keeping his focus on Janus as he answered. “Joan will not hold Thomas's decision against him. It would be illogical for them to do so.”

“People don't always act logically.” Janus pointed out.

“But Joan does not have a history of acting irrationally, and they know that Thomas was conflicted about auditioning based on the first time they brought over the flyer and Thomas asked for more time.” Logic crossed his arms, staring everyone down. “I request that this question be stricken from the record.”

Instinct cut in. “You can't do that in a _debate-_ ”

Logic’s jaw tensed, turning to Instinct.“The mere presence of the question casts doubt onto Thomas's final decision, and it serves no purpose-”

“He’s already heard the question, idiot, striking it now isn't going to do shit-”

“Joan is Thomas's friend!” Logic said, his voice loud and sharp. “No matter what you say, they will not abandon Thomas over something so inconsequential!”

“I never fucking said they would!” Instinct shouted back.

Logic and Instinct stared at each other, a quiet settling over the debate hall. Thomas was reluctant to break it, looking back and forth between the two sides. 

“I actually agree with Logic’s answer.” Instinct finally said, looking like the words physically pained him to say. His face smoothed out immediately after, though, as he fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeve and kept his eyes on his podium. “Joan is your best friend, Thomas. They have been since you were kids. If you tell them that you don't want to audition, they will understand. It's just a play.”

“That is correct.” Logic confirmed. “If you decide not to audition, Joan will not be upset. That is...an ineffable fact.”

“Well...that’s all of my questions, Thomas.” Janus said at last, banishing the last of the cards in his hands, turning in his chair to look at Thomas. “Do you want us to leave while you make your decision?” He asked gently, and Thomas swallowed, feeling the metaphorical...and literal spotlight shining down on him.

“...can we go back to my apartment for that?”

“Of course, although, technically, we never left.” Janus said with a smile, snapping his fingers. Thomas blinked, suddenly in his apartment once more, Instinct, Janus and Logic looking at him expectantly.

“Well, Thomas?” 

“I…” Thomas swallowed past his dry throat. “I'm sorry Logic, but I think I want to audition.”

Instinct whooped loudly, a broad grin stretching his face. “YES!” He shouted, equal parts relieved and ecstatic. “In your FACE, TI-Eighty-Bore!” 

“Well, I'm glad you finally have your decision.” Janus said, a proud, slightly relieved smile on his face. “We’ll leave you to tell Joan-”

“No. I do not accept this.” 

Janus and Instinct stopped, the expressions falling from their faces and leaving them strangely blank as they stared at Logic. 

“You agreed to support Thomas's decision, whatever it was.” Janus said.

“No, I agreed that I would support Thomas coming to his senses. That is not what has happened, and thus I am not bound by my word.”

“Thomas is-”

“ _Thomas_ does not need you to speak for him, Self-Preservation.” Logic spat. “He needs to listen to sense, and I refuse to give you more ammunition in your quest to mislead and endanger Thomas-”

“ _Endanger_ Thomas?!” Instinct repeated, spluttering. “It’s a community theatre production-”

“Today it is. What about next time? This sets a dangerous precedent of listening to his instincts over sound logic-”

“Yeah, well his INSTINCTS have never steered him wrong before.”

There was a tense, heavy silence. Logic narrowed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“What exactly are you implying, Instinct?” he said, his voice low and barely short of a growl.

“You know _exactly_ what I’m implying.” Instinct said, just as low.

“Guys-” Thomas said, hoping to diffuse the tension between them. He was summarily ignored. 

“Say it outright then, unless you are too much of a coward to do so.” Logic said icily. Instinct’s eyes narrowed and he abandoned his slouch against the wall, moving threateningly right into Logic’s space.

“FINE! You want me to say it, I'll fucking say it.” Instinct snapped. “You shouldn't be making decisions for Thomas anyway!” 

“And why is that?” Logic asked, his voice cold and condescending. “Because I am not one of your precious core sides? I am just as much a part of Thomas as you, no matter where I happen to reside. I am responsible for more than you can fathom, _Instinct_.” His mouth curled in a cruel sneer as he glared at Instinct, and Thomas had the nonsensical thought that Logic’s tie had been askew for the past few minutes and Logic hadn't done anything about it. “What exactly is your secondary function? What do you do that cannot be completed by any other side?”

“I protect Thomas.” Instinct hissed, and Thomas could swear that his voice became layered, his eyes flashing dangerously. Thomas’s breath caught in his chest, resisting the sudden overwhelming urge to _hide_.

“And how do you think you are accomplishing that goal, pushing Thomas into situations that he cannot control, without all of the facts, over what? Are you simply incapable of thinking things through at all?”

“At least I can do my fucking job!” Instinct said, pushing against Logic’s chest, forcing him into the corner. “The only reason you’re here is because Thomas likes you, not because you’re good at your job-”

“You do not have the faintest idea what you are referring to, you extemporaneous hothead-”

“-Because if you were good at your fucking job, then you wouldnt have gotten _booted-_ ”

“-How can I do my job if Thomas is constantly being swayed by _idiots_ without the faintest idea of the consequences of their actions-”

“Oh, that is rich coming from you-”

Thomas tried to open his mouth, to tell them to stop but he couldn't get the words out, couldn't form them in his head, the thoughts scattering every time he tried to grab onto one, evaporating into wisps that left his brain foggy.

“He has to listen to me, you all have to just LISTEN TO ME-” Logic’s voice was loud, echoing in his ears and Thomas pressed his hands against the sides of his head, trying to block it out but it just kept repeating over and over and over...

“Logic.” Janus's voice cut in, firm and sharp. “Stop.”

“YOU CANNOT _DO_ THIS AGAIN, LISTEN T̶O̴ M̵̳͒E̶͖͂-” Logic screamed, and Thomas screwed his eyes shut at the way the words throbbed harshly in the air-

And then Logic’s screaming abruptly cut off.

Thomas opened his eyes in surprise. Janus had crossed the room, to where Logic had huddled into the corner, looking trapped and terrified. He had knelt down next to Logic, one hand holding his head upright while the other...

“ _Stop_.” Janus said again, his hand tight over Logic’s mouth. Logic was breathing raggedly through his nose, shaking violently, his eyes unseeing and…

And _dark_ , the light that usually shone from Logic’s irises was gone, leaving his eyes looking dull and lifeless. He wasn't processing anything at the moment.

“You have to calm down.” Janus said, his voice soft and gentle, even and measured in the ringing silence. “Your panic is affecting Thomas. Is that what you want?”

Logic didn't move except to shake, like an earthquake was brewing under his skin. Thomas couldn't breathe, there wasn't enough air in the room. He took a deep stuttering breath, trying to get into the pattern that Janus had led him through the day before.

But he couldn't, his mind tripping over the numbers every time he tried to start. This should be the easiest part, it was just counting, why couldn't he _think-_

“Instinct?” Janus’s voice said. “Can you walk Thomas through a breathing exercise?”

Thomas felt sick, nausea boiling in his throat and making him gag. And then his tunneling vision was full of purple plaid.

“Hey, Tommy, it’s okay.” Instinct’s voice said, as he pulled Thomas down into a chair. “Breathe in for four seconds. One, two, three, four...”

Thomas couldn't stop shaking, shivering and rubbing harshly at the skin exposed by the sleeves of his shirt. He could almost feel his teeth chattering, making the breaths he took in shaky by default.

“Here.” Instinct said, stripping off his hoodie and wrapping it around Thomas's shoulders, leaving himself in just a white sleeveless shirt and ripped jeans. The hoodie itself was warm, so unbelievably warm, and Thomas could feel himself relaxing under the weight of it almost instantly, his eyes slipping shut. “Keep breathing, Thomas. One, two, three, four...”

If Janus smelled like the beginning of spring, then Instinct smelled like the height of summer, when the humidity and the heat became just short of oppressive, and you knew that there was a storm on the way, the weight of it in the air. Thomas pulled the hoodie around himself tighter, chasing the memories of summer barbeques with his family, of beach days with his brothers, of pool parties and laughter, until after what felt like an eternity, he opened his eyes.

“Better?” Instinct said, keeping his distance, a strained smile on his face and concern in his eyes. He was crouched in front of Thomas, his hands flexing intermittently. Thomas had the sudden thought that Logic had been correct, Instinct didn't do well with problems he couldn't physically fix. 

Watching Thomas fall apart must have been so hard for him.

“Better.” he agreed, going to take off Instinct’s hoodie.

“Keep it for a bit.” Instinct said instantly, rising up from his crouch. “He’s okay now, Janus.”

“Good.”

“How’s Logic?” Thomas croaked, his voice wrecked.

“Who gives a shit?” Instinct said before Janus could reply. “Just get rid of him.”

“No.”

Thomas blinked. That...Had that refusal come out of _Janus’s_ mouth?

“Are you serious?” Instinct said, looking incredulously at Janus, who didn't take his eyes off of Logic. “You’re not going to send him away?”

“No. I’m not.” Janus said, and Thomas could see that the hand not on Logic’s mouth was moving carefully against the back of Logic’s neck, a slow, steady rhythm that he remembered Janus using on him just the day before. “Not unless Thomas tells me to.”

“But he’s-”

“Instinct. That’s enough.”

“He’s the bad guy here! He made Thomas have another panic attack! He’s been the one causing all of Thomas's anxiety!” Instinct said, his voice full of outrage tinged with desperation. “Just send him back to his fucking dark corner like before and-” 

Janus raised the hand that had been on the back of Logic’s neck, and to Thomas's astonishment, suddenly Instinct silenced himself with his own hand over his mouth. “I said _enough_.”

“ _Janus_!” Thomas tried to say, but his voice gave out, and he only made a garbled noise of alarm.

“I know you’re upset. I know he upset you and Thomas, and you feel like you have to avenge him.” Janus said, meeting Instinct’s watering eyes. “But you need to stop now, okay? Take a deep breath.”

“Let them go.” Thomas heard himself say, weak and distant, as if it were echoing down a long tunnel. 

“Thomas-”

“I said let them go!” Thomas snapped, his voice raw. Janus startled, his hold over Instinct releasing immediately. He looked at Logic, who was still trembling, but who’s eyes had begun to faintly glow once more.

“No more yelling.” Janus said firmly. “Alright?”

Logic’s eyes flicked upwards, and he nodded minutely. Janus took his hand away slowly, his movements careful and measured as he backed away from Logic.

“Thomas?” Janus said, finally taking his eyes off Logic to look at him, pleading. “Can you go sit with him? Instinct and I need to talk in private.”

“Is Instinct in trouble?” Thomas asked. Janus gave him a small smile.

“No, Thomas. I’ll send him back when we’re done. Promise.” Janus said, putting a hand on Instinct’s shoulder, and Thomas had a second to feel an overwhelming sense of relief when Instinct leaned into the contact before they vanished from sight.

The ice machine rattled loudly, and for once in his life, Thomas was grateful for the noise, because it drowned out the sound of Logic’s harsh, unsteady breaths. Putting his arms into the sleeves of Instinct’s hoodie, he got to his feet, making sure he stepped loudly enough to be heard as he moved closer to Logic.

Logic didn’t make a sound, didn’t look up, didn’t move. He could have been a statue for all Thomas knew, except for the fact that he was still breathing those horrible shaky breaths…

Which Thomas supposed was better than not breathing at all, but...barely.

“Logic?” Thomas said carefully. “Can I help you get up? I want to move you to the couch, if that’s okay.”

_I can't watch you sit in the corner like this, like you're trapped and scared._

“Please. I think you’ll be more comfortable there.” 

Logic looked up at Thomas's broken plea, and Thomas nearly cried with relief when the lights in his eyes spun once in response. He nodded minutely, his eyes dropping away almost instantly. 

Thomas swallowed, and wrapped his hands around Logic’s wrists, freezing when he heard Logic gasp. He didn't understand why Logic was looking at his hands like he had never seen anything like it…

Until a truly terrible realization dawned on him.

Logic had always stood so far away, keeping to the outskirts of conversations when summoned. He always conjured objects directly into Thomas's hands. And the one time Logic had reached out to him, Thomas had jerked away.

Had he _never_ touched Logic up until now? Had any one of them touched Logic before today? 

“Please, Logic.” Thomas said, his hands aching to wrap his arms around Logic and never, ever let go, but he needed Logic to take this step with him. He was not going to pull Logic across that boundary without Logic’s permission.

Logic’s fingers twitched, and for one heart-stopping moment, Thomas thought he was going to pull away. And then his hands turned over in Thomas's hold, loosely gripping him back and letting Thomas pull him to his feet. 

Thomas refused to let him go as he led Logic to the couch. He briefly considered that he might never let Logic go again.

“Logic…” Thomas said, unable to stop himself from pulling Logic into a half hug. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry this is upsetting you like this. I don't…” He struggled to find the right words, the right thing to say so that Logic would know that he didn't have to suffer alone. “I don't understand why it upsets you so much, but I'm not going to force you to tell me. But if you decide you want to talk, I'm more than happy to listen.”

Thomas held his breath, waiting for Logic’s response. The intellectual side said nothing.

“I promise I will be careful, Logic. And you might be right. It may be that I'm too inexperienced for Joan's show, and I won’t get to be in it, but...that won't make the audition a waste of time. It is a new experience, and one I want to have.”

He couldn't quantify what had really tipped his decision. Maybe it was the way that Instinct had said that he was talented, the compliments soaking into some part of him that had been dry and desiccated. But no, the desire had been there before, it wasn't new. It was...something that he _needed_ , needed to _do_.

But he was absolutely sure that he hated that his decision had hurt Logic like this.

“Logic?” Thomas said, and he didn't care that he sounded wrecked, he didn't care about anything but hearing Logic say something, anything. “Say something.”

“...Is there anything more you require of me, Thomas?” Logic said at last, clearly trying for his usual stoic tones and falling drastically short.

“No, but you don't _have_ to go-” Thomas said, but Logic flinched, curling in on himself just enough so that Thomas couldn't see his face.

“I...I want to go.” Logic said, and Thomas's heart broke when Logic’s voice did the same. “Can I please just go?” 

It was the closest thing to begging that Thomas had ever heard come out of his mouth. And though the last thing he wanted to do was let Logic leave…

How could he say no when Logic _begged_ him? 

“Okay. You can. Thank you for helping me, Logic.” Thomas said, reluctantly letting Logic get to his feet, watching him sink out without another word.

* * *

Thomas waited anxiously for Instinct to return, curling into the soft warmth of the side’s hoodie, his hands bunched up in the sleeves so he wouldn't have to see them shake.

It took nearly an hour of waiting, but _finally_ , there was a faint ping, and Thomas glanced up just in time to see Instinct appear, taking the seat across from him, and sprawling sideways across the armchair.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked immediately. There were a few heart stopping moments of still silence before Instinct shrugged wordlessly, glaring at a stretch of wall, hiding his face away from Thomas.

“Instinct?” Thomas said desperately, feeling his throat close up a bit. “I really need you to answer me. Are you okay?”

“M’fine.”

“What did you and Janus talk about?”

“I don't want to talk about that.”

“Instinct, you can't…” He groaned in frustration. “That was a huge fight. It was bad. You need to talk to me, tell me what’s going on-”

“It’s fine, Thomas.”

“It’s NOT FINE!” Thomas said, wincing when his voice came out as an anguished shout. “This is anything but fine, so just...just talk to me. Please.”

Instinct turned his head towards Thomas. “...I don't get you, Thomas.” he said at last, his face impassive.

“What?”

“None of us get you anymore.” Instinct pulled his legs in closer, a defensive curl in the corner of the chair, so at odds with the accusatory tone of his words. “Janus can't figure you out, and we’re all used to relying on him for the answers. But then you never act the way we think you’re going to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like with _him_.” Instinct said, his eyes darting over to the corner that Logic had cowered in earlier. “You don't care that he might be dangerous, or that he could be tricking you. You don't care that he’s Othered at all, do you?”

“He’s not dangerous!” Thomas said immediately, his brain shying from all of the scenarios that Instinct described. Logic would never.

“How would you know? You barely know him.”

“You don't know him any better.” Thomas retorted, because he clearly didn't know Logic, because _Logic would never._

“But I know that he was banished for a _reason-_ ”

“What reason is that? You and Janus keep saying that, but you never say anything more-!”

“Because that should be enough!” Instinct snarled. “You can't just change your mind-”

“YES I CAN!” 

Instinct’s mouth snapped shut at the...frankly vicious note in Thomas's voice. Even Thomas was surprised at how he shouted.

“I can change my mind. I _am_ changing my mind.” Thomas said, quieter but no less firm. “I don't care if he did something to ‘hurt’ me before. I don't care if he made a mistake or that he’s not a core side. I...I like him anyway.” He felt something flutter in his chest, something slip back into place.

Once, when Thomas was younger, he had gotten sick, a bout of bronchitis so bad it had displaced one of his ribs. For two weeks, he had been in pain, the area tender and simple things like sneezing and breathing and moving were agony. His parents had taken him to an osteopath, who had fixed the problem in just a few minutes with a firm and gentle push.

Thomas felt the same feeling of relief in the back of his mind as he spoke, his words heavy in his mouth, like they had an extra weight to them. “Logic stays. It doesn't matter what he did. No one gets to hold it against him anymore.”

“And what about today?” Instinct said after a moment. “Are you going to hold what happened today against him?”

“No. When he’s ready to talk about it, then he’ll tell me. Until then…” Thomas floundered, trying to think of what he could do if Logic wouldn't ask him for help. There wasn't much he could do for his sides while they stayed in his head, beyond just...trying to be better. But…

Maybe he could ask his sides for help. That’s what Janus said they were for after all. “I just have to ask Remus and Janus to keep an eye on him when he goes to your mindscape. Watch out for him.”

“Just them?” Instinct said after a few seconds of silence, something...something Thomas couldn't define shining in his eyes. “Not even gonna ask me?”

“...would you do it if I asked?” Thomas asked skeptically. “You don't like him.”

“Of course I would, I'm the protector.” Instinct said immediately, a crooked, slightly sad smile on his face. “See? After everything we’ve been through, you still don't get it, do you?”

“Get _what_?”

“How far we’ll go for you. You’re our world, Thomas, don't you get that? All you have to do is ask us to do something, and we’ll try our hardest to make it happen, no matter our feelings.”

“But…”

Thomas wanted to say that the thought of forcing his sides to do things against their feelings was not what he wanted at all. He wanted to say that he wanted to work _with_ his sides, wanted them to be happy and safe and comfortable.

But Instinct was rolling to his feet, and Thomas abruptly forgot his entire train of thought. “It's funny.” Instinct chuckled wryly. “Right up until he started freaking out, I was...I was actually having fun, debating him.”

“You _liked_ it?” Thomas asked, disbelievingly. “But...you were constantly insulting each other. You were like...two sentences away from fighting the whole time.”

“...maybe ‘liked’ isn't the best word for it. You’re right, we were at each other’s throats most of the time, but…” He shrugged. “Remus gets too easily distracted to be a good opponent in anything but a physical fight, and there’s no point arguing with Janus, because he’s inevitably always right. As far as debate partners go, Logic wasn't bad. Ruthless, but not bad.” He shifted on his feet, squaring his shoulders as he took a deep breath. “I'll keep an extra eye on him. For you.”

“You will?”

“Yeah. I'll watch over him.” He stretched his arms behind his head, giving Thomas a crooked smile. “What can I say, it's a challenge. And ‘challenge’ is my middle name.”

“Oh is it?” Thomas asked jokingly, feeling the tension in the room lighten considerably.

“Yup. Virgil Challenge Sanders. That’s me.”

Thomas breathed in sharply, shocked. Instinct gave him a quizzical look.

“What's with that face?”

“Did you just tell me your name?”

“Yeah. I did.” _Virgil_ said, rolling his eyes just a little bit. “Don't make such a big thing of it.”

“But...Remus made it seem like a pretty big deal.” Thomas said, trying to keep his voice even and tamp down the urge to hug Virgil and jump up and down in excitement.

“I didn't say it wasn't a big deal.” Virgil said, and there was a slight pink tinge to his cheeks that made his whole face soften. “I said don't make a big thing out of it. Of course I was going to tell you my name, eventually.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, holding out his hand. “Can I have my hoodie back now?”

Thomas reluctantly shrugged out of the hoodie, but he didn't feel uncomfortably cold once it was off. It was almost like the warmth of the hoodie had nothing to do with the physical object. The thought made Thomas smile, handing the garment back to his side. “Thank you, Virgil.”

“Don't mention it.” Virgil said, clearing his throat as he threw his hoodie back on. “You should call Joan. Tell them what you decided.” He saluted Thomas with two fingers. “I’ll see you on Saturday for your pre-audition pep talk. Don't forget to practice your song.”

“You’ll check on Logic later?” Thomas said.

“I will.” 

“You promise?” Thomas prompted, and Virgil rolled his eyes again, but the grin on his face was indulgent.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next episode in one week.
> 
> No one expected the events of the debate to have such drastic, far-reaching consequences.
> 
> Sometimes, things have to fall apart before they can be put back together.


End file.
